Yes (Wo)man

I have some decisions to make.  How to make them?  What questions do you ask yourself before you make decisions?  I bet it depends on the decision you are trying to make.   If you are trying to dress for a dinner out perhaps you call someone else who is going to ask that girlfriend question “What are you wearing?”.  If you are deciding whether or not to take a new job and quit the old one a close friend or spouse might be the first call, to get their take on it.  I seem to have several decisions to make that are of the ‘quit that job take a new one’ variety.  What I’ve run into that is mucking up  my ability to answer is my ego.

Now, I’m not here to ego bash. That would be senseless.  We all have one and we need it to get around like we need our legs and arms, but honestly, it isn’t a reliable source for life decisions.  If my ego is flattered, it is likely to say ‘yes’.  I didn’t think flattery was a value I held, but my ego certainly likes the feel of offers that imply the Sally Field classic “you like me, you really like me”.  This is no way to make a decision.  Here is what I know, later you will like me less when I can’t live up to the commitment that I shouldn’t have said Yes to. But our ego’s  are really all about the hot air that is inflating their balloon at the moment.

So how will I make my decisions?  This is what I know about how to make a decision, in no particular order:

Gather evidence.  Go on a fact finding mission.   I said fact.  No emotional journey, just the facts ma’am.  Take a big step backwards and do some digging. Ask others what their experience has been with this topic(not what they would do-you just unleash their own blanket of insecurities usually with that question)



 Consult yourself in different hats.  Ask your inner five year old how they feel about running for local council or whatever it is.






Ask yourself 20 years from now as you sit on the porch together.  Don’t ask your parents/partner/sibling, but imagine the conversation you would have  and get their ‘imaginary’ opinion (probably frighteningly accurate)

Take a day and pretend you said ‘yes’ and see how it feels and what changes.  Take a different day and pretend you said ‘no’ and see what that feels like.

I know I can never know the ‘right‘ answer because there is no ‘right’ answer. There is just right now.  At the end of a day very soon I will sit down for five minutes and just breathe, so I can quiet the minds chatter.  Then I will drop inside of myself and ask my question and wait for my answer.  I know that whatever I decide, it will be the right answer for right now.  If I can’t trust myself, who can I trust?

1 Comment Yes (Wo)man

  1. Richard Hurst

    Rebecca – you always come up with the most ambitious questions …. questions that are incredibly personal and complex on one level, and simpler than a cloud on another. You provocateuse, you. Aside from my Mother’s “be a good boy and act intelligently” mantra-to-live-by, I have another tenet by which I fulfill my life on stage and real-ly. It goes, “Live vertically … moment to moment … the past is done, the future … well, its a matter of the choices you make in the moment!”. Decisions are only choices and while a choice can be made in the moment, the next choice you make will be affected by the one you just made, etc., etc. Each choice takes you down a road (literally and figuratively) so there really is no turning back. The “what if” approach to one’s existance can result in little more than confusion, frustration and dissatisfaction. The conditions (on all levels) in which you find yourself in any particular moment – whether you’re making a decision/choice or not – are the nanoblocks of living, minute and precise. To quote the “Madwomen” … “everything that was, is: everything that is, will be”. The influences of others, the weather, the time of day, your state of mind, all prey subtly on choices whether we realize it or not. Live IN the moment. THAT’s our only choice.


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