This was notoriously asked by the poor orphan in Dickens “Oliver”. His life was changed forever when he uttered that phrase. This month I’m intending to do the same thing. I’m going to ask for more of what I want.
I’m going to call it the Oliver Way, but you might recognize it from such writers as Wayne Dyer who called it the principle of The Power of Intention, or from the juggernaut of the Cosco book table ‘The Secret’. It’s all the same thing. These book encourage us to focus on what we want in our life, not what we don’t want. Believe me when I tell you that while you’re saying “I don’t want to be so busy” , you are actually planting the seeds of busy-ness. What you focus on you create more of.
It seems so obvious that you should ask for what you want. So why doesn’t it work for you and me? Two basic reasons. The first is, you and I have no idea what we want most of the time and the second reason is, we are terrified to ask for it.
Getting ready for the first day at a new school I asked my son what had to happen for it to be a good day. All he could answer with was what he didn’t want. He didn’t want people to despise him or hate him or be mean to him. I was shocked and saddened that it was so easy for him to come up with what he didn’t want, and how difficult it was to say what he did want. I know he wants to make a friend. To make people laugh. To be accepted. He doesn’t feel he can ask for that. Remember reason number two? He has only gathered evidence to support the outcast story, and has no evidence that what he wants has ever, or will ever happen.
I can sit beside him on the bed and hug him and tell him he is wrong, but he doesn’t believe me. He is completely engaged in self convincing. He is in some sort of defense mode that prepares for the worst because to hope and be disappointed seems worse.
This self talk he is practicing might seem familiar. The language we talk to ourselves with is often the sort that we wouldn’t accept from anyone in our social circle.
I challenge you right now to drop the vicious self talk of “I’m lazy” or “I always say I will and I never do” or “time to grow up, step up, I really mean it this time”. Your failure is built into the language you keep using.
Oh yes, and I hear your response already. You are thinking-
“I never have been successful at this before, so I sure hope that this time is different, although I can’t imagine it.”
Do you see it? Can you hear it in your own talk?
Join me in Olivers Way and ask for what you want more of. Don’t follow it up with any preparation for disappointment or self loathing over the last time.
Sing it with me Jackson 5 fans! One, two, three. It’s easy as a-b-c.
Step One: What feeling do you want more of in your life? Do you want to feel more-peaceful? Joyful? Content? Challenged? Loved? Healthy? Confident? Decide which feelings you need more of.
Step Two: Identify what are you doing when you feel that way? Look into your past and remember a time when you felt this way. Come up with a few examples. What will you do this week to recreate this action so that you can experience the feeling you want more of?
Step Three: Make a commitment to yourself.
Everyone loves the doing part and here it is.
Fill in the blanks below and then print and post it for yourself and then enjoy the change you create.
I want to feel __________________________more in my life. When I have more _________________I feel satisfied and fulfilled. I feel more like me. I feel this way when I am (verb)___________________________or _(verb)_________________________or _(verb)______________. This week I’m going to __________________and ________________ so I can have more of what I want.
Predominently the clients I have met wanted to feel more peaceful, satisfied, fulfilled, healthy and happy. How you get there, is up to you.