Five Reasons to show up in your life right now.
This weeks lesson for me?
There was a point early in my new job teaching voice for the fall semester at a local university when I thought-I will be so sad when this ends. The job was fulfilling, challenging, exciting, rewarding. I came home tired at the end of a days’ teaching, but in a well spent way. Even while I was having the experience that I was enjoying, I was so aware that it wasn’t permanent. It wasn’t staying. I couldn’t keep it. So the joy of that moment was coloured with a tinge of sorrow. Loss that hadn’t even arrived yet.
Even while I was having the experience that I was enjoying, I was so aware that it wasn’t permanent
I started mentally leaving this job though about 3 weeks ago.
My mind also began to dart fearfully to what freelance work was going to arrive for 2015It is now the final week of term and the wrap up of my work with these singers.
Confession: I started mentally leaving this job though about 3 weeks ago. No longer was my life filled with planning repertoire and posting links for the students. I couldn’t seem to find the usual interesting things to post on my bulletin board outside my office.
My mind was moving ahead to things like eventually writing posts like this (I’m part of a December Blogging Challenge- a group of bloggers supporting each other to hit posting goals for a month) My mind also began to dart fearfully to what freelance work was going to arrive for 2015. I needed to start pitching ideas for next year now. Would I write a new touring show? Create a radio documentary for CBC? What if nothing sold? Should I do more of this or more of that? And what about Christmas plans, cards, decorating and inviting others over? Who? When? Argh. I can’t fit it all in and it’s not even December yet.
It’s like the ‘now’ I have isn’t good enough, and I want a different one.
This may all seem pretty reasonable and perhaps you’ve felt this sort of thing too. A racing mind that runs around your brain like a kid on Hallowe’en eve. The mind that’s grabbing candy thoughts from every door that opens and hardly stopping to see what went in the bag before it runs off for the next door. It’s like the ‘now’ I have isn’t good enough, and I want a different one.
There are good day dreams and bad ones.
It’s a form of daydreaming. But there are good day dreams and bad ones. The good ones involve wisdom, planning and taking care of necessary business in life. I do need to think about work for the upcoming months.
The bad ones are energized by ‘what ifs’ and the rising need for contingency planning. In my brain it sounds like this: ‘I want this. But what if I don’t get this? If I don’t get this, then I’m sure to get that. But I don’t want that. How can I guard against that happening? ‘
That’s followed by a cold sweat, rapid breathing, and seems to take place at 3 am when I wish I was sleeping.
Five Reasons I’m going to stop
daydreaming Worrying about the Future
- The only moment I ever have is this one.
- The brain is a terrible predictor- if scientists have gotten it wrong for so many years, what hope do I have of guessing what’s next?
- The only real impact I can have is here and now
- My thoughts of the future tend to be worst-case scenario and it’s not helping me protect myself. It’s just upsetting.
- I’m working on noticing that in this moment, everything is workable. I’m enough right here and now.